Be Brave..

I'm coming out of the fog...

my lighthouse you could say would be my family.

I am truly a blessed human being.

I live the life I have always wanted to live.

A beautiful husband, a home to live in, a job that pays well... and kids that are happy and well adjusted.

It's a constant back and forth... trying to keep it all balanced. And I may have dust on my furniture, and I may need to clean my bathroom.. and I may have clothes still in the laundry basket that need folding... but I am a decent human being. Despite all those "flaws"... despite the obvious... I am a decent woman.

When I was a little one.. I loved the movie The Rescuers. It was so amazing to me that this little girl.. who was all alone- found these mice to help her. And through her fear she managed to keep her hope bottled up.. I fell in love with that movie.. with that song that plays in the beginning. It's encompasses all that you want to tell your children when they are scared. And I imagine that The Creator feels the same way about us...

Be brave little one, keep your head up though no one is near, you're apart of the love that you feel, someone's waiting for you. Don't cry little one...

Today, I forced myself to remember the good in my life. To smile in the place of the tear or my fear. To breathe when I thought there was no more air...

and it worked.

Thank you My life.. for sticking with me, when all else seems lost. When I'm in The Funk and the disco ball has broke... . When my ship has sailed.

There you are.. ever faithful, holding on tight.

Here we go.

Capture them in flight...

It's raining on the Central Coast of california.

It fits my mood.

It's been a trying week.. and I noticed that I have written "This week tried to kill me" more than once on my facebook status... ha! I am so dramatic!

Sometimes I feel as though there is so much to learn...and then RELEARN that it takes the place of all the wonder that you have for the world.

You feel burdened by responsibilities and by the past/future/present.

Finding the beauty in things is so much easier than finding beauty in yourself, as yourself. As is.

In AS IS condition. Be present in the AS IS moment. I love myself as is at this very moment in the NOW. I just wrote a bunch of shit.. jibberish.. mish mash of self hatred and loathing and I thought.. wow.. SHUT UP hit backspace and wrote this instead...

I am totally fearless when it comes to life. It may not appear so.. no no... not to ME but I freakin' am FEARLESS otherwise I wouldn't be here.. trying to write stuff out.. get some answers... try to make some sense... try to G R O W ....I no longer am defined by the TRAGEDY that proceeds me... I make it or break it... use it or loose it. Me me me me me. And only Me... responsible for me, my future my aches and pains my minor/major/in-significant/SIGNIFICANT set backs.

Lets not dwell sitting stagnant in the filth of what could have been shall we?

Lets relish in the moment of the pity party... put on our hats and dance a little jig and then get on with it!

I hope for this week, to find those moments again.

Capture them in flight and get them out with words/ paper / paint and gesso... mess stuff up!

Have a wonderful week everyone, anyone who is listening....

What if I'm a mermaid...

I love that song by Tori Amos... she evokes so much emotion- ones that you didn't know were there. And ones that you not dare feel not to mention think/speak/SING.
That is my life. That is art. That is loving. That is living.
I am blessed. I am blessed with colors of this life...not just black and white, although sometimes, that's nice too isn't it? Like what is right and what is wrong. Black and white.

Black and white... somethings are just plain and simple wrapped in messy right?

Life, messy messy, sticky life.
Thank you art... for making me curiouser and curiouser.




Albert Einstein said once...

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

Oh that's good stuff.. and I said outloud... Freakin' Einstein was a poet TOO?
giggle..

You are safe

A journal entry tonight.

Started this morning @ 3:00 a.m.

Thought about what I would do at work...and finished her right after dinner.

These colors are really speak to me.

There seems to be a lot of thoughts floating around in this head of mine these days.

It's amazing... these things that you would never say to any one is perfectly acceptable to say to yourself.....sad really.

I aim to change that!

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You can breathe little one

you are safe

You can scream out a lung

you are safe

You can go off the deep end, in search of the treasure

come up empty

blaming the weather

You are home now my love

you are safe...

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Most days... I sit and dream of gesso and torn book pages.. making incredible backgrounds filled with dreamy textures and eye catching shades of color combos.
This sketching whymsical portraits has been a great distraction, a wonderful way to pass the time at work when things are slow, a great way to get in tune with the artist that wishes SO badly to emerge. If I could just get my mind outta the way. If I could just silence her. More magic would happen. More wishes would come true.

This is Princess, she doesn't have a name at this time, she has no time period she's from, she just emerged- telling me she wanted a Tiara and a high bun... and green blue.. yes green blue.
I am learning little quirks about me and the time I spend on these little art works.
And each time I want to do more, and think of what I can do the next time.. when that blank stark white canvas is staring at me ....
She's sad- but I don't know why.
And now it's on to the next piece.

I am evolving into this crazy world of art.
There is so much variety.
It's like music.
There is something for everyone.
I am in awe constantly everyday of all the ideas that people come up with.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I come to my blank sheet because there is so much inspiration floating around me...it's hard to channel just one thing.
Whats great about that is that... I have plenty of time to put my hands into everything..even if it's just once ...

My newest and greatest love so far is this portrait making... more to come... maybe some darker ones in lew of Halloween and you know I love my gothic lovlies with spider webs and pearls and lace...
oh.. there comes another idea! Gotta go more later..

The Heart of Art...